"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
These past couple of weeks have been hard; like drop to your knees, wave your hands in the air for help kind of hard. I've seen this before. Our family has experienced "the perfect storm" in the past but nothing prepares you when you are in the eye of the storm.
My Mom has been falling more and more in the past couple of weeks. The Parkinson's Disease loves nothing more than to rear its ugly head at the most unwelcome time. Between the disease, a virus and side effects from medication my Mother has been through SO much. Our family knows how much we need to be on "high alert" when her balance gets bad. The cameras are watched more closely, my children spend more time watching TV with their Nana and I put off any outside engagements that would take me away from her for periods of time. Needless to say, no matter what safety precautions we have intact nothing can really prevent the falls. The one fall I am wiling to share dealt with her Grandfather clock falling on her. Yes, the clock... on my Mom. Somehow she escaped with only her foot taking the brunt of the injury. As for the Grandfather clock... RIP. Right now our family is on a steep path. The path that isn't always traveled by many. I've been feeling overwhelmed lately by this path and I stepped off of it to take a breather and hold my hands up to yell. Yell at the top of my lungs at how unfair this path seems. You see, when you walk the road that is less traveled you lose people along the way. Some people don't want to be a part of the "hard" and feel uncomfortable watching it happen so they walk. Others think "she chose this path and asked for this so lets see how she handles what she asked for" and finally some just would rather have someone else do the work because they don't want to. For whatever reason I'm learning I could waste precious time wondering why or I could grasp the path, hold on to the people who support our tribe and begin making our way up the steep incline. Lewis is 12 days away from major heart surgery. Clara is 19 days away from the same surgery. These precious children who pour energy into my tired body will be on bypass machines. I will hold their bodies as they get their "happy juice", sing them their favorite songs and Dan will do what he does best... be the pillar of strength by carrying them down the long hallway into the surgical room surrounded by a team of doctors. He will lay them each down on the bed, stroke their hair as the mask goes over their little face and watch them drift off to sleep. This, all of this is the narrow path that we have chosen. Would I change it, certainly not. I'm learning, whether it be but slow or not, I am learning that God speaks to me in times of crisis. He asks a lot of our family but the more I answer him with a yes he provides with his yes. I asked myself the other day if God had gone silent on me. I actually asked that. While sitting in the hospital with Lewis and getting a phone call from my husband telling me that my Mom had fallen again and needed stitches I wondered to myself... WHY? Aren't we already doing enough? Am I being punished for something? Silence on the other end. That was scary. I've always prided myself on saying, "the size of your faith determines the size of your God". He's HUGE in our house. Everything that happens in this house is a reflection of God. Every person, every smile, every tear... a reflection. Four days ago while my Mom was getting stitches, Dan was trying to dig out from work responsibilities and Lewis was getting one more blood test my heart was heavy. Then THIS... The unsung heroes... The teenage daughter who humbly dressed her grandmother. The teenage son who picked his grandmother off of the floor with very little clothes on, the brother who stayed the night and slept in a recliner to be close to his Mom, the other brother who dropped everything in an instant to get her to the doctor, the sister who would drive to the other end of the earth if it meant she could help someone. The neighbor who texted to say she was taking the kids for the afternoon of fun, the mother-n-law who brought over warm food so it wouldn't be another "cereal night", the grade school friends who knew what I needed and planned it. The day God went silent, the day my Mom had stitches was my Dad's birthday. He would be 89 years young. He even went silent that day. The day that my path was almost too narrow for me to stay firmly planted on it was the day that the unsung heroes appeared. Today while running on the treadmill my Dad spoke to my heart. He waited after his birthday to speak up but he spoke. He reminded me that I am doing what he asked before he passed. He asked that I take care of "Mama". He wanted the family to come together to do what he could no longer do. He reminded me that it doesn't have to only be me. There are many parts that make a whole. This family has many people in it and I need to trust in those unsung heroes to step in while Dan and I are in the hospital with our two little warriors. My Dad said something to me before he passed that I never forgot. I remember his actions as if it were yesterday. He held up his thumb while eating the chicken soup that I had made him. The chicken soup recipe that he passed down to me, the recipe that took me several tries to taste like his. That was the day he held up his thumb and said four powerful words... "you got it kid". I achieved it. I perfected the recipe and he approved. Those words meant so much to me that I had it engraved on a bracelet to remind me "you got it kid". When the path gets narrow, steep and hard I need to look down at my wrist and remind myself that "I got it". With the unsung heroes arm in arm... WE GOT IT! Whether it be my 89 year young mother, my two 3 year old heart warriors or a person in need. I will not allow another day to go by thinking God went silent. He is here. He is as close to our family as my next breath. I won't let another "naysayer" steal my sunshine or take what energy I have and wonder why? Why they flew away rather than sticking it out and fighting the good fight with us. As you finish reading this ask yourself if you are fighting the good fight or if there is more you could do for someone in need. Schedules are always packed. We are busy filling our days. What are you filling your days with? Will it be remembered in twenty or even thirty years from now? Be the sunshine is the life of someone. Show up. Be present. Take the time. One day you will need some sunshine and I pray it shows up on your doorstep like it did on mine a few days ago.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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