"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
"You cannot change what you don't acknowledge." I remember hearing this quote years ago and today while looking at this picture that quote popped into my head. Society tells us that we need to be strong, independent and happy. "Have it your way", "Do what makes you feel good", "Take the easy road"...
This picture goes against all of those phrases. I can't have it my way. I'm not doing what makes me feel good and the road ahead certainly isn't going to be easy. Evelyn is preparing for another heart surgery. The smiles you see are real, genuine and created out of trust for one another. This girl doesn't have to trust me; heck she has every reason in the world not to give her love away so freely BUT she isn't skimpy with her love. Evelyn's criteria is quite simple... if you give her time and show her that she is valuable she will shower you with the greatest gift... the gift of herself. Today we had a meeting with Evelyn's cardiologist. Without going into too much detail I will share that Dan and I are once again at a point where we need to lean on one another, rely on our deep faith and trust in the knowledge of the cardiac team. Evelyn is once again facing another big heart surgery. A surgery that one year ago wasn't an option but because of God's beautiful story and the commitment of this outstanding team we are entering another chapter in Evelyn's healing. The smile on my face in the picture is real. I couldn't love this little girl more than I do right now. She has a smile larger than life and because of that I have learned to live life larger and cast my fears further away BUT that doesn't mean I don't have them. The fears of Evelyn's upcoming surgery are real. When leaving our meeting today Dan and I drove home in almost complete silence; the only sound heard was from a very happy little girl. We could hear Evelyn humming to the tune of Finger Family Song in the backseat. The front seat was quiet... a familiar quiet. When preparing for a heart surgery Dan and I tend to go into our own safe place and process what we've learned. Evelyn's heart is the most unique out of our three heart kids. She is far from "typical" or "average" so when hearing about her surgery, the risks and the recovery I know we both tend to breathe deeper and take in the information longer. I came home this evening and found myself wishing I was only having to worry about what I was going to put on the table for the Friday night meal. I wish that the biggest decision I would have to make was if I wanted baked or mashed potatoes but instead here Dan and I are having to tell our kids that their sister is going to have another heart surgery next month. Life suddenly becomes small again. The bubble begins to form and with that bubble so many things on the "to do" list become very irrelevant. I'm not suggesting our other kids lives or schedules do not matter but in our house when a surgery is on the horizon everyone has an understanding that we all band together for the good of the family. I came home this evening and the first thing I wanted to do was call my parents. No matter how old I get, hearing the voice of my parents has a calming effect on my mind and heart. I no longer have that gift. Dan reminded me tonight that they are here and are watching everything unfold. God gave me a second set of parents... my in-laws. I did what only seemed natural and I picked up the phone to call my father-n-law. I am sure that my Dad was behind that phone call because I can't remember ever having a conversation as long as I had tonight with him. The smile you see on my face is real friends but it doesn't come without a cost. The stakes are so very high when you love medically fragile children BUT it does in no way mean we shouldn't love them from the start. I am here to tell you to not have pity on Evelyn or feel sorry for her situation. Evelyn is here as a reminder to love one another as they are... imperfections and all. In the end we are all imperfect. The biggest difference with Evelyn is that Dan and I are in a situation where we are choosing what would be the best outcome for her future. That is a decision, an enormous decision that isn't taken lightly. God obviously chose us for a reason, what that is I do not entirely know but what I do know is that we cannot change what we don't acknowledge... LOVE is risky. Faith is just that... faith. When you put both of those things together what do you have? A life worth living. I think Dan would agree that our family has lived and loved bigger since Evelyn entered our lives. Tomorrow I will rise and once again be reminded of the reality of what is to come. Tomorrow I will rise and witness a smile larger than life and realize that God placed Evelyn in our family for a very specific reason. Smile through the fears friends. God sees you. He certainly sees Evelyn and I am trusting he is holding our hands through all of the decisions that lie ahead.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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